The Answer
by ekmr
Summary: Lee learns what Amanda needs.
1. Answers

Legal stuff - Don't own these characters just thought I'd take them out of the Shoot the Moon production company toy box and play with them.

Takes place between the 3rd and 4th season.

This is my first attempt at fanfiction - hopefully I'll improve but it was fun to type out the ideas in my head.

Fixed the formatting - hopefully it's easier to read.

* * *

Exhausted Amanda and Lee entered his apartment. The case they had been on put them in the familiar position of playing husband and wife one they had grown somewhat comfortable with. This case had gone pretty well until the last day when Lee had been caught sneaking through the lead suspects desk. Luckily he had a pretty smart partner and Amanda had been able to rescue. With the rounding up of the bad guys and the debriefings over it had been close to 48 hours since either one of the had gotten any sleep.

Amanda sunk down onto the sofa and leaned her head back and closed her eyes. With Joe back she had been letting the boys spend more time with him so they could reconnect and her Mother decided to take a trip to visit friends which made her house a bit lonely and was happy when Lee invited her to his place for dinner.

Lee just watched her he knew she was falling asleep and almost felt bad about what he was about to do but it had been nagging him ever since he asked her about her divorce in the Q Bureau and this was probably his best chance - he hoped anyway.

"Amanda?"

"hmm" came her response. She wasn't really awake but not really asleep somewhere in that in between state of drifting off.

"You know we're getting pretty good at playing husband and wife."

"Yep" came her very sleepy response.

"Do ever think about being married again for real someday?"

Small alarm bells started to sound in Amanda's head. 'Why is he asking this?' if she had been more awake maybe she could have countered this "interrogation" a bit better but her mind just didn't seem to be cooperating.

Taking a big breath "Yea, sometimes but it would have to be different." came her reply in a whisper.

Lee just looked over to her wondering what she meant. "Different - how?" he asked hoping she would continue.

"Just - well" she started to listen a bit more to the alarm bells in her head. She could just tell him what she wanted but she was pretty guarded when it came to questions about marriage. It kept her safe and away from heartbreak.

"Just well what?" hoping she wasn't going to shut down. Changing tactics a little he thought about what he could ask to keep her going. "What would you look for in a husband?"

Amanda thought about this for a bit 'Stop he doesn't need to know ... It will just lead to heart ache right?'

"Amanda?" he looked at her hoping he hadn't blown it 'Why can't she open up to me about this.' "Sorry" she whispered wishing she was brave enough to answer.

Lee sighed "It's ok let me go order something for dinner - is Chinese alright?"

"Yeah, that's fine."

Amanda sat there trying not to think about what she wanted in a husband 'why is this so hard to talk to him about he's my best friend maybe ..."

Quietly Amanda began to answer so quietly Lee almost didn't hear her but when he heard her he stepped closer.

"He has to love and accept me for who I am. He has to place my needs before his job." "He would love my boys be there for them when they needed him." Tears started form but Amanda was determined not to cry.

Lee waited patiently for her to continue.

"He would never make me feel dumb or like my ideas don't matter. He would let me make my own decisions about working - he'd let me work if I wanted to. He wouldn't lie to me or make promises he has no intentions of keeping." The tears she was fighting started to fall but she refused to open her eyes and look at him afraid of what she would see.

Lee's heart was starting to break for her and he wanted to just hold her but he knew she wasn't done yet and so again he waited.

Taking another deep breath Amanda whispered "He wouldn't abandon me and continue to tell me he loves me. If you love someone you don't leave them." Letting out a sigh she wiped away her tears.

Lee reached for and held her. "You deserve all of that and much more."

Kissing her forehead and continuing to hold her he now had his answer about what went wrong in her marriage and he was determined to be what she needed. He also realized it wouldn't be easy you don't get over that much hurt easily but he knew what she needed and he was willing to go at her pace. He also knew it was past due for Amanda to come first. He always knew she would be there when he needed her but it was time for him to be there for her. He also knew he loved her he just wasn't ready to say it loud - soon though very soon.


	2. The Desk

Amanda nodded to the Marine who held the door open to the bullpen for her then headed to her desk. Sighing slightly as she looked at the reports in her hands. It's not that she minded doing reports but she knew these would take all day. A day without seeing daylight could be a bit depressing somedays. She also knew it meant she might not see Lee at all and that saddened her a bit more. Their last few dates had been pretty wonderful and she had really looked forward to seeing him today.

'OK Amanda snap out of it and get your head back to work.' She snapped at herself and then continued on to her desk. Well at least she continued on to where her desk should be. She just stood and stared at the empty spot where her desk should be. With a confused look on her face she scanned the bullpen. Nothing else seemed different just her missing desk.

Billy heard the gentle knock on his door. "Come in Amanda."

"Morning Sir"

"How are you today?"

"Oh ummm fine but..."

Billy working hard to contain his smile since he knew exactly why she was in his office but he also knew of all of his employes she was the least demanding and slightly shy when it came to asking questions that might make her seem the opposite.

"But what Amanda?"

"Well it seems my desk is gone. Which is fine I know I'm not an agent and usually it's just agents who have desk so I understand why you might have had to take it away. I just wondered where you might like me to work today. You see I have all these reports and I'm just not sure what desks might be empty and these reports will probably take all day so I was hoping I wouldn't have to move to many times."

Billy chuckled to himself 'Someday I'll figure out she manages to say so much in just one breath.'

Just as Billy was about to answer Lee entered Billy's office smiling at his bosses slightly dazed expression. 'Must have been a pretty good Amanda ramble.'

"Billy, Amanda." Lee greeted them both but his eyes stayed on Amanda which was not lost on Billy at all. 'Smartest move I ever made was putting these two together.' Billy thought to himself.

"Hi" Amanda said smiling and turning towards Lee.

"Amanda can you come up to the Q Bureau with me I have a few more reports for you."

"More? I mean of course." Amanda turned to Billy. "Sir about what we were talking about..."

Billy raised his hand to cut her off. "Don't worry Amanda we'll figure something out I promise." As Amanda turned to follow Lee Billy winked at Lee.

Lee looked over at Amanda as they rode up in the elevator noticing her looking at the floor and being uncharacteristically quiet.

"Are you OK Amanda?"

"I'm fine just thinking sorry."

"Anything I can help you with?"

"No it's nothing all that important don't worry."

Lee knew exactly what was on Amanda's mind and he also knew it was pretty important to her. He had been there the day she was given a desk and how happy she had been. 'I hope your just as happy or even more so in a few minutes.'

Lee unlocked the door to the Q Bureau and stepped to the side to let Amanda enter. Thanking Lee she entered and then stopped. A smile starting to spread across her face as she saw her desk. Walking over to it her smile grew bigger as she opened her bottom drawer and dropped her purse in it. Slowly she sat down on her chair and saw the key her very own key to the office. She just silently sat there smiling.

Lee had anticipated what Amanda's response might be to bringing her desk up here but he was unprepared for her for her silence and since he couldn't see her face from where he was standing he hadn't seen her smile.

"Amanda?"

Amanda turned in her chair and looked at Lee with a huge beautiful smile that melted his heart. "Thank you."

Lee leaned over and kissed the top of her head. "Don't thank me Amanda I'm just correcting a desk issue that should have been taken care of awhile ago. After all partners should work together not separated by a ride in an elevator."

Amanda stood up and hugged Lee and started to kiss him when Billy entered clearing his throat to let his presence be known. As Lee and Amanda jumped apart Billy couldn't help but notice the blush spreading across Amanda's face.

"I take it this is acceptable for you Amanda?" Billy asked smiling.

"Oh yes Sir!"

"Well then I'll just leave you two to your work then." Billy left the office grinning.

Lee watched his boss leave 'I really need to remember to lock that door.'

Turning back to Amanda he quickly kissed her before the next interruptions of the day began. 'Not sure what I did to deserve her but I'm never letting her go.'


	3. Joe

Lee looked over at Amanda watching her work it had been two weeks since her desk had been moved into the Q Bureau. He loved having her in the office but at times it could be a bit distracting since he enjoyed just staring at her.

"Lee!" Amanda raised her voice slightly exasperated she'd been calling his name for the last couple of minutes.

"Yes" He answered sheepishly realizing he'd been caught yet again.

"I'm leaving in a few minutes so you'll need to get these to Mr. Melrose."

"You're leaving?" Lee looked at her clearly disappointed.

Amanda shook her head and chuckled a little. "Lee sometimes I wonder if you listen to me at all."

"I do but I tend to block out the bad news." He winked and gave her a big dimpled grin. "A meeting with Joe right?" He asked a bit concerned.

"Yes and I'm a little nervous he wouldn't tell me what he wanted to discuss." Gathering her purse she looked over at him "Can I call you later?"

Walking to her he kissed her cheek "Of course I'll look forward to it." Watching her go he couldn't help but notice her worried look. 'Please don't hurt her Joe.'

Lee paced as Billy looked over the security plans he and Amanda had put together for the upcoming embassy ball.

"Lee could you stand still just for a few minutes!"

"Sorry Billy I'm just worried about something."

"The security plan? It looks good everything looks covered."

"No it's ... Nothing." Lee knew it would sound a bit suspicious if he told Billy he was worried about Amanda's meeting with Joe. "As long as you're fine with the plans we can hand out assignments at tomorrows staff meeting."

"That's fine Lee." Billy answered looking over at his agent realizing it was time to switch to friend mode. "Lee when I'm worried about a friend the best thing I can do is just be there for them."

Grinning Lee raced out the door calling over his shoulder "You're right Billy!"

Francine rushed into Billy's Office "What has Lee so excited?"

"Love Francine love."

Francine rolling her eyes. "You expect me to believe that? Lee and love that's a laugh."

"Don't you have some work you should be doing Francine if not I'm sure I can find some for you."

Lee pulled up to the familiar Arlington address and headed to the back. Peering in the kitchen window he saw Amanda and Joe standing around the kitchen island. Amanda's back was to him but he knew enough about her body language to see how tense she was. He ducked down quickly so Joe wouldn't see him. He knew he shouldn't eavesdrop but he also knew Amanda was going to need him after Joe left.

"Joe I'm not sure what you're trying to say." Amanda looked at Joe with a confused look.

"Well I thought once the stress and excitement of what happened when I came home wore off I'd have more time to reconnect with...

Amanda cut him off "I thought I had been pretty considerate about you spending as much time with the boys as you wanted. I'm sorry they are headed to camp this week but when they come back I'll be happy to let you spend extra time with them."

"No Amanda. I mean I've enjoyed my time with the boys but sweetheart I thought we would get a chance to reconnect."

"Oh"

"That's all you have to say is oh."

"Well Joe we talked about this that night at Dooley's so I'm a bit confused."

"Yes we talked but I thought with some separation from the events that you'd..."

"That I'd what?"

"I'm not sure. I guess I thought you'd come to your senses and..."

"Come to my senses?" Amanda responded with a hint of anger in her voice. "What do you mean?"

"I thought you would want us to be a family again. It would make the boys happy."

"I see." Amanda was quiet for a few moments before continuing "Joe I would do almost anything for the boys but giving them a false family wouldn't be fair to them and it certainly wouldn't be fair to you or me." Then added a little nervously "You haven't been talking to the boys about this have you?"

"I still love you can't we at least try?"

"Joe you didn't answer my question. Have you been talking to the boys abut this?"

Joe looked down at the ground and quietly answered. "I might have have given them some ideas about it."

"Oh Joe! How could you." Amanda took a few deep breathes trying to calm herself down.

"Is it really that hard for you to understand Amanda? I've never stopped loving you and I had hoped you still loved me."

Amanda thought for awhile before responding. She didn't want to hurt him but she also needed him to really understand she had moved on with her life.

"Joe you'll always be a part of my life and I love that we have to wonderful boys together but I'm not in love with you. You said yourself I'm a different person than the one you left and I don't plan on changing back." Taking a big breath and then continuing "Joe you are my past some parts were wonderful but if your honest with yourself you will remember that a lot of it was less then ideal."

Joe started "So there's no hope..." but then stopped and looked into Amanda's eyes and realized for the first time that he really had lost her. "I'm sorry Amanda I'll show myself out." He leaned over and kissed her cheek and left.

Amanda turned and watched him leave and then wrapped her arms around herself and rocked back and forth. She didn't hear the back door open.  
Lee walked over to Amanda and wrapped his arms around her and held her.

They stood that way for a few moments before Lee whispered in her ear. "Are you OK?"

Amanda turned around in his arms and laid her head on his chest. "I'll be fine but I'm not sure what I'm going to say to the boys. I doubt he even thought about the damage he was causing and he's left me to pick up the pieces again."

"I'm sorry Amanda I wish there was a way I could help."

Amanda looked up at Lee and smiled. "Just being here for me is enough."

"Always Amanda Always."


	4. Conversations

Thought I was done with this story but then this chapter popped into my head and I think it gives the story nice closure.

* * *

Amanda and Dotty were sitting in the kitchen when Phillip and Jamie came charging into the house dropping their backpacks by the stairs and ran into the kitchen.

Dotty knew something was wrong but she wasn't sure what. She thought she saw someone leave through the back door awhile ago but Amanda said nothing.

"Mom can we have some cookies?" Both boys asked in unison.

"Sure fellas Why don't each of you grab two cookies and a glass of milk then join me in den we need to have a bit of a discussion."

Phillip and Jamie looked at each other and shrugged.

"Mother I'd like you to hear this too."

"OK Dear."

Amanda looking at her gathered family for a bit before starting. She had a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach so afraid of hurting everyone she was a little unsure of how to start. Everyone looked at her expectantly she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

Opening her eyes she began.

"I spoke to your Father today and there are a few things..."

"I can't wait until he moves back in." Phillip cut in with so much excitement in his voice Amanda felt her heart ripping apart.

Dotty looked at her daughter and everything became clear and her heart ached for her baby girl. 'Joe I could kill you.'

"Oh Sweetheart. I'm sorry but your Father won't be moving back in."

Jamie trying to hold back tears looked at his Mom "Why? He told us he wanted to did he change his mind? Did Phillip and I do something wrong?"

"No you didn't do anything wrong. Your Father loves you both very much."

Phillip stared at his Mom "It's you isn't it. You don't want him back here with us do you?"

"Why? Don't you love him anymore Mom? Jamie asked confused.

"Boys there will always be a part of me that loves your Father because of you two. If it weren't for your Father I wouldn't have you and I love both of you so much but I'm not in love with him anymore. Do you understand the difference?"

Both boys were silent for awhile trying hard not to shed the tears that were forming.

"Maybe you could fall in love with him again." Phillip begged with his voice cracking a bit.

"No sweetheart that isn't going to happen."

"Will Dad leave again?" Jamie asked his voice full of fear.

"Your Father's job is very important to him so I can't lie and say he will never move away again but no matter where he lives that won't change the fact he loves both of you."

Both boys fell silent again.

"Fellas I'm sorry that I've disappointed you." Amanda looked at them tears streaming down her face.

Both boys jumped up raced to her side and hugged her.

"You didn't disappoint us Mom. We love you I guess we just got so excited about Dad being back and believing we would be a family again that we didn't think about what you wanted." Phillip stated suddenly sounding more mature then his age.

Hugging her boys back "I love you both so much."

"We know Mom." Jamie whispered in her ear.

Breaking apart both boys silently stood up and left.

Dotty sat next to her baby and held her. "Those are some special young men you've raised Amanda."

"Yea they are."

Mother and daughter sat together in silence for a bit before Amanda stood up "Mother I'm going to go for a drive. I need to clear my head."

"OK sweetheart."

* * *

Lee had called Amanda's house but Dotty had told him she wasn't home. That had been over two hours ago. "Where are you Amanda?"

Lee grabbed his keys he had an idea of where she might be he just hoped he was right. He knew in his heart that she needed him.

Lee looked over at the reflecting pool and his heart broke. She sat there her shoulders shaking as she quietly cried. 'Joe I could kill you' When he reached her he pulled her into his arms and just held her.

"Talk to me Amanda. Please."

Amanda stayed quiet not sure she knew how to put all her emotions and thoughts into words.

"Amanda?" her quietness was beginning to scare him. Maybe she decided to take Joe back for the boys was the one thought that kept running through his head.

As if sensing his thought she looked at him "I thought I was over all of this I've been divorced for years but here I am crying like it just happened."

Lee didn't say anything just waited for her to go on. Silently urging her to get it all out.

"The papers came in the mail. I didn't even know they were coming. I wasn't really surprised I knew our marriage was over but I had expected some say in ending it."

Hugging her a little tighter willing her to go on.

"I'm not sure why I expected a say Joe usually made all the decisions. I didn't even realized how little say I had in our marriage until those papers showed up. I'm not sure he expected me to sign them I think he thought they would make me change my mind and move to Estoccia like he wanted."

"Amanda..."

"No let me finish."

He just nodded.

"I had lost all confidence in myself long before I signed them I felt like such a failure. Maybe that's why I started dating Dean so soon after the divorce."

Amanda looked at Lee and placed a finger on his lips.

"I didn't love Dean but I didn't think I deserved love. He was good to the boys though and that was important to me. My whole life was about the boys at that time. I'd failed at marriage but I couldn't fail them. I thought marrying Dean would give them what they needed."

Looking away from him she continued.

"Then one morning my whole world changed. This crazy man handed me a package. He didn't know it at the time but he was also handing me back my life."

Amanda stood up and walked to the reflecting pool.

Lee looked at her letting what she just said sink in. Standing up to join her he leaned down and kissed her. It started out as a gentle sweet kiss but the longer it lasted the more passionate it became. It was if they were both trying to kiss away years of pain.

Breaking away they just looked into each others eyes.

Lee looked at her and smiled "We gave each other our lives back." he stated before pulling her back into kiss.

The End


End file.
